


choke out (a transparent elegy)

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Minor Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi, Murder, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, No proof readings we die, Self-Harm, Time Loop, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-22 01:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13753479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: She smiles, waving proudly as the school crumbles, hair pulled up into two blonde pigtails, swaying.But at the last moment, she drops the façade, face blank as her mask is stripped away, a slight frown.And then shirogane wakes up.(And then she wakes up. And then she wakes up. And then she wakes up.)(Shirogane bangs her head on the desk, screaming.)





	1. as fucked up as they say

**Author's Note:**

> Title from this (amazing) song : https://youtu.be/RQhkAga2lVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 「 Ah _**fuck,**_ it hurts, it hurts me, you know? Even though you heard every single word that I said  
>  Now you know, I hate, I hate, I hate you, oh- but my words disappear and I'm watching you go 」
> 
>  
> 
> ( chapter title from this song : https://youtu.be/gVnQ5wsIaaA )

Shirogane screams, when she feels the cool wood of a desk under her, pulling at her hair. In frustration, she bangs her fists into the desk, wood embedding itself into her hand, splintering.

She's so fucking angry.

She hates this school, this damn game and her own past naivety, hates the smell of blood and the smile that used to curl on her lips. She hates whoever is fucking with her like this, hates everything with her very beine.

Most of all she

hates these stupid characters, so fake it's painful, so frustrating and dumb and hypocritical and annoying annoying _annoying._ Did she really ever think these were good characters? What a fucking idiot she was.

Theres anger and bitterness and frustration and hate in her chest, begging to be let out, and a piece of her just wants to destroy and destroy, destroy these fictional characters, this fictional school, destroy all of danganronpa herself. it's so fucking stupid. She hates it. She hates everything.

She wants to destroy it all.

Her hand is bloody, her anger screams, more like growls, rumbling in her throat. It almost sounded anguished.

Someone is talking to her but she just doesn't care anymore, doesn't care about anything, only hatred in her bones and red in her visions. She hates every goddamn thing in this horrible world, including whoever it is tugging at her arm, trying to pull her away. She hates them the most, actually. How dare they stop her? She needs to destroy it, destroy this goddamn desk that she always always _always_ wakes up on. She hopes they suffer. She hopes they wright in agony and pain. Hopes they know what she feels.

Not like it matters; it'll all reset anyways.

Her breathing is ragged, hair in her face. Her glasses have fallen, but that's ok, since they were fake anyways. Like everything here.

She goes slack. What's the point in even fighting? It'll just go back anyways, the desk, her hand, her classmates. It doesn't matter.

Not even the green haired boy holding her tight, a fearful, concerned expression on his face. As if he had the right to feel that. Does he not know how many times she's kill him?

It doesn't matter.

(He'll be dead soon anyways. Blood at her feet.)

(It's so much easier to go with the original script, mechanical. She'll do it without thinking.)

 

 

Kaede greets her with (fake) happiness and (fake) cheer (everything she does is fake) smiling, a slight crease furrowing into her eyebrows, after she holds her hands out. Her hands remain behind her back, a half hearted glare aimed at the blonde. It's mostly just tired. Seems like she's already wore herself out. She doesn't really care.

She walks past her, after a bit, not in the mood to talk to her. Out of everyone, she hated her the most. The noisy protagonist that was supposed to be first culprit, a surprise killing, but _always fucking missed._  If it wasn't for her, maybe she would have gotten away with it all, the mastermind unfound until there was only two people left, like it was supposed to be. Maybe, if that happened, she wouldn't be trapped in this time loop. Or maybe this time loop was some sick kind of karma the universe was enacting, as if seeing the girl she loved hung up because of her wasn't enough. She wanted to laugh.

(In truth, she could never hate kaede.)

(She was so pathetic.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sh-shirogane? What are you-"

(Before she even realizes what she's doing, her hands wrap around kaedes neck the first night.)

(Her body is found at ten thirty seven in the morning.)


	2. don't make me laugh, I'll choke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 「 Forgetting everything that happened yesterday, I still don't remember _what was it that tomorrow was supposed to be?_ 」

Shirogane stood, shaking. Her platform was under her, a part of a perfect circle. As if she was a part of the rest of the students. As if she ever could be.

She glared.

She hated him.

The detective, with his stupid hat, and his stupid character, so fucking weak, crying over kaede. It had only been a day. He didn't even know her, not like she did. He never would. She hated him. 

She wanted to claw and bite and rip him apart.

Theres a determed look in his eyes, and she wants to laugh. She wishes she could gorge them out. It's only been a fucking day, and he thinks he has the right? To love her? To morn her?

He didn't even know her. He didn't know _anything_.

Her platform is no longer in the circle, instead in the center. Singled out. She's not like them, she'll never be like them. And now they know it.

All eyes are on her, and it makes her skin crawl. 

The center of attention. Like junko.

She was never junko.

She is bitter and spiteful and angry, wanting to scream and kick and punch, but only ends up crying. Pathetic, really. She can't handle them looking away, but can't handle their stares. She hates being plain, blending in, but it's all she's used to.

 

 

"I hate you." It's the first thing she's said at the trial, since they started accusing her, looking at her with suspicion filled gazes. "None of you are even real," she laughs, tears running down her face as she tugs at her hair, "none of you are even _fucking real._ "

"What... do you mean?" The one she hates most ventures, and she scoffs. "I hope you all die, here. I hope you all rot. I hope this whole fucking company rots."

(Somewhere, the producers are scrambling, unexpecting shirogane to behave in such a way. Her actions surprised them, but her words even more so.)

 

"What are you talking about? What do you know?" His eye brows are furrowed, an intense look on his face, as of he was trying to figure out some great mystery, that he just couldn't solve. Like he was trying to figure her out. She glares, but her expression shifts so easily in the next moment, a smile stretching wide on her face.

"Congragulations. You've found me." She pauses, "you've found the ringleader!"

There's whispers, and gasps, and shocked faces, but she can't find it in herself to care, to pay attention, to give a damn. "You're all probably thinking, _oh, this means we're free, right?"_

her smiles grows, "buzz! Buzzt! _Wrooongg_!" Like whiplash, her smile falls, bitterness, "I was just as much as a prisoner as you all. Maybe more." Definitely more, really. Because unlike them, she was real, she wasn't just characters on a script. She mattered. She wasn't just mindless entertainment. 

And no matter how many times she died, she always woke up on a desk.

 

 _"Oookkaay!!"_ Monokuma interjected, nervousness on his face, "times up!!" Slightly hysterical, he cut her off.

" _It's punishment time!!!_ "

She hears voices call after her, when she's pulled up by the neck. She doesn't care. She doesn't fight it. She can hear them questioning if what she said was true, but it doesn't matter to her what they think. It's irrelevant. She'll die, again, and then wake up on a desk, like always. All because of that stupid detective. 

 

It's so funny. It's so fucking funny how much she hates her own creations, how they keep leading her to her doom.

She finds herself laughing.

(Sewing needles pierced her body.)

(She screams.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

(And then she wakes up on a desk.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from rose color boy my paramore !!!


End file.
